i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
