I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
