Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
