JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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