3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
