Your dad touched me again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
