a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
