it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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