i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize