This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
