Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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