it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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