Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
