who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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