I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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