Yo dont text me then not text me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
