Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
