First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
