So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
