Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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