This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
