last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize