pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize