you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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