Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
