this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
