The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
