The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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