I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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