who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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