Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
