three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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