I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
