Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
