just come out here and I will go home with you...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
