That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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