All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
