Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
