are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
