Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
