I accidentally had phone sex last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
