Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
