Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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