Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
