This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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