My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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