He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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