How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
