she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize