i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
