DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
