lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
