Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
