We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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