dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
