He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
