Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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