yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
