You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
