Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
