She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
